Saturday, July 26, 2008

Beautifully Broken

I just came back from visiting "In Her Shoes" and I had to come over here and tell you all how this post inspired me. Please make sure you go by and read the last 2 posts, Simply from GOD!

This week has been an exceptionally hard week for me, I found out this week that someone I love deeply has betrayed me and our relationship. This betrayal is founded out of jealousy hurt and anger. This person is actually a wonderful person, but has personal disappointments that cloud or skew the way they relate to the world. I am finding out that it just happens to manifest against me. It has always been in the back of my mind that this person may feel this way, but I always thought that it was fleeting and stemmed from periodic upsets, (as all close relationships have) but its worse than that It is more constant. I have long considered this person a confidant and entrusted them with my deepest vulnerabilities and have now realized that this information has caused this person to feel disappointed in me. I now can look back and see the biting comments and haughty attitude used against me and the saddest thing is I allowed it all along. I allowed myself to be the "victim" of this person.

Surprisingly knowing this does not bring anger and I am not interested in any sort of retaliation or revenge. instead I actually feel really bad for this person, I am fearful of the pain that this person will endure having to learn this lesson that God will have to teach. I leave that all up to him. But I can't help but remember this same behavior coming from me about someone else and I remember how hard that lesson was for me. We all sin against each other at some point, we all judge each other and act unkindly, but some of us learn these lessons quicker than others and then like this person this lesson has to be repeated a couple of times.

I feel so broken about it really and very sad to know it all along. I am also sad or disappointed in my self that I have not stood up for myself more firmly, I have felt compelled to but not at the expense of the others around me. So I will bear it and pray that this person will learn from this and that God will change the heart.

I am so thankful that I have not had a typical "LORI" reaction and that is to strike back with extreme venom and hurt the other person, but instead I have decided to "count it all as Joy" and remain "Beautifully Broken" so that I may be used as a vessel of Honor for the Lord.

The Lyrics to the song say it so well so Here they are"

Wonderful, merciful Savior
Precious Redeemer and Friend
Who would have thought that a Lamb
Could rescue the souls of men
Oh you rescue the souls of men

Counselor, Comforter, Keeper
Spirit we long to embrace
You offer hope when our hearts have
Hopelessly lost the way
Oh, we've hopelessly lost the way

You are the One that we praise
You are the One we adore
You give the healing and grace
Our hearts always hunger for
Oh, our hearts always hunger for

Almighty, infinite Father
Faithfully loving Your own
Here in our weakness You find us
Falling before Your throne
Oh, we're falling before Your throne

Blessings and Love



Gina said...

Hi Lori!
I wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you in your situation, but I can tell you that God uses these hurts to cultivate in us character, perseverance and hope. I will pray that God will give you the wisdom and the guidance to live in the midst of this situation to bring Him glory and to bring healing in your life!
God bless you.....Gina from "In her shoes".

P.S. Jeannene and I want to thank you for mentioning our blog that we have dedicated to encouraging women in Him. xo!

Jeannene and Gina said...

Hello dear one,

Thank you so much for posting about this. You have 'no idea' or maybe you do about me battling with this and relating to your post!!

I agree with Gina and know that the Lord will use this situation only to give you strength and hold fast there is a plan in store for you!! We are only to lean on him and him only and when you do..."you will prevail."

Love you much,
(In Her Shoes)

In Her Shoes said...

Hey me again,

I am so glad you are feeling uplifted and encouraged through the site with what Gina has in her heart to share. She has such a way with her Post, doesn't she?

Just wanted to leave a link to our site for others since you posted about "In Her Shoes"...Thank you so much for that;-))