Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Joy of The Lord is My Strength

Job 8:21 (New International Version)

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter

and your lips with shouts of joy.

Oh, How I shall hold on to this verse for dear Life. My Friends, it is 7:02 am and I am having such a wonderful morning. I have been awake since 4:30 am, I tried to go back to sleep but never made it, so instead of laying there I have been working on my blog. I have been having a great time focusing on something that is important and wonderful for me. I have also been meditating on the Lord and The work he is doing in my life. I am going to share that with you now.

My husband and I have decided to grow our family, but in order to do this there are preparations to be made, one of which requires me to stop taking antidepressants , specifically Effexor XR:

EFFEXOR XR is known as an SNRI (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor) and is believed to help treat depression and the associated symptoms of anxiety by affecting the level of two chemicals in the brain—serotonin and norepinephrine.

The effects of withdrawing from this medication are in my words Profound and Intense, They include extreme fatigue, severe mood swings, and my personal favorites "Brain Shocks", also known as "Brain Shivers". The best way to describe this feeling is " I feel like I have an electrical surge every 30 secs to 1 minute and for me it doesn't just happen in my brain I feel it from Head to Toe, This link has more info about the withdrawls.

After having my son I experience the new onset of extreme fear and phobia. I had an "Impending sense of Doom" and I was afraid that I would hurt my son (explanation: I never felt the urge to hurt my child I was more afraid I would unknowingly hurt him by doing something wrong) The Andrea Yates story had just been in the news and it scared me to death! Then 9/11 happened one month after he was born and I just obssesed too much!

I had wanted a child so so badly and was faced with the possibilty of not being able to have one, so when he arrived it seemed almost too good to be true and I felt like he would Poof! and be gone. I developed panic attacks and severe anxiety. This is why I began taking this medication. I have since been in counseling and much, Much Prayer. This experience has actually allowed me to minister and share with women who may have otherwise been too afraid to talk about it.

Anyways, I don't want to focus on all the bad, but this is what I have been experiencing and It has effected my daily life, which means it has put a strain on my husband and Son and I have even had a hard time at work, but I knew it was going to be hard to stop this med as I have done it in the past and I even tried to warn my husband, but nothing makes it easier on our family's while we actually go through this.

My husband is so wonderful and I would like to tell you what he has gone through the last few weeks, and most importantly the last 5 days. Friday was Day Three of not having any of these meds, (Now the really bad side effects come in to play) Are you ready?????????

I was driving to work Friday morning feeling worse than I have in days and I am listening to the Christian talk radio for the first time since my post about 'Stay at Home Mom Broadcast" and today they are talking about "Protecting our Teenage Sons" This discussion is about protecting our teenage Sons virtue in a time where some young girls are "Sexually Aggressive" and how to teach them to avoid temptation. and I started thinking tearing up think of my own son so I called my husband and the phone call goes like this:

Husband: Good Morning How are you feeling today?

Me: Fine!(in a whiny almost whimpering voice)

Husband: What's Wrong Honey? Why are you Crying? (very sympathetic)

Me: I am just so upset that our son is going to need to be protected for Aggressive girls and I am so sad he is even going to have to worry about this! ( Choking on sobs all while trying to say these words)

Side bar::::: Are you laughing yet?

Husband: He's six (not so sympathetic any more)

Me: I know I guess the Crying part has started, (feeling a little stupid, but then I start crying again and say):" but still I don't want my child to have to deal with those little brats"

Husband: Large sigh; Honey I am at work and I am really busy He will be fine, We have a little time to come up with a game plan, Are you going to be ok?

Me: Yeah, I suppose

Talk about Mood swings!

My reason for sharing this with you is that at 5:30 this morning as I was looking for more stuff to put on my blog I ran across this Verse and I realized that even through my trial, the Lord is giving me Joy and the ultimate outcome with bring even more joy! hallelujah! I am so excited!

I try not to use my blog as a sounding board for negativity, However this to me is a pure example of how the Lord is taking my circumstance and turning it in to a learning experience to Glorify Him!

"You are the Potter, I am the Clay, Mold me and Make me, This is what I pray!

I will get through this and should you ever find yourself in the same place so will you!

Be Encouraged!




Treasure Barn said...

Wonderful post Lori!

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time sweetie.

I pray that things will get easier for you with each passing day.

May God take you in his arms and hold you tenderly while you heal.

You are such a wonderful loving person and I am so proud to have you for a daughter in law. You are so wonderful to share this with anyone that may be going through the same thing. I can only imagine how scary it must be to be there in that place you are in right now.

Not to mention the are so funny! Your little story is hilarious!!

Hang in there, you will get through this.
Much Love and God Bless you, D'Angelo and Donovan.

nene said...


even through your struggle, you minister to others. Yes, be of "good cheer & always praise him!!" He will get you through, you are "NOT ALONE", you have many who love, care, and support YOU!

My deepest thoughts and prayers are with you during this struggle, and you will "GET THROUGH!!"

Big Hugs,
Love Ya!

little chef said...

Aww My Auntie Lori!

I miss You. hope that makes you feel better.

Love you.

Debbie in NC said...

Hi Lori,

I'm visiting from ((Patti)) and I saw this particular post. I was wondering how you were doing off the medication?

I take Paxil for panic disorder and have been for about 8 years. I suffered for 20 years before starting it. It literally saved my life. I can now function normally.

If you ever want to talk, I'm here :) I know what you're going through.